In America we eat man semen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
