i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
