last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
