well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bring me that man meat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
