Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
