can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
