then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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