My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
