I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize