Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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