Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
