my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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