please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
