I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
