Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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