when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
