Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
