Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
