Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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