You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
