hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i have two assholes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
