I cockslap morals
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
