Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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