I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
