Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
