There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
