found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
These tits shall not be calmed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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