im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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