Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
