if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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