i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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