i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Four minutes until I can fart!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
