I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
