Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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