what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
