After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
