i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
