I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
