Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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