i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He did a backflip because drugs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
