i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
