apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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