We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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