dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize