I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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