im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
