dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
