I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
