I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
