hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
