wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
