just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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