Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
