I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
