we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
