Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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