Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
