There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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