ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
