Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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