Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
