After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
