Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My balls are so social today.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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