I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
