Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
