My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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