woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
