i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
