Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
