shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
