The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
