I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
