It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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