Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
