i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
