yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
