do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
