That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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