Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
