Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
