I cockslap morals
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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