I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm both gender and math confused
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
