your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
