What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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