Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
